"Aliens in Roswell" By her brother James

Susan is recieving her chemotherapy at the Roswell Cancer Center in Buffalo New York and I am sitting here with her.
The Irony of the name and the alien nature of the things that they try to do here is not lost on me. Gladly Susan knows that my dimented sense of humor crosses all boundries. Facing mortality is no different.

The good news is that we are not in Roswell, New Mexico. Although conspiracies continue to proliferate that the U.S. Airforce moves Roswell on a regular basis in order to validate conspiracy theorists.

While I am watching her drift in and out of Benedryl-induced sleep I can't resist quoting Yogi Breea who said"it is dejavu all over again". It's been almost 15 years since I sat in a similar infusion suite with my ex-wife going through similar treatment. It is a helpless feeling reguardless of the prognosis.

While at Susan's I am sorting and packing stuff from my divorce that I had left in her basement five years ago. In the meantime Susan has bought a lable maker to label all her posessions in case she dosn't make it. The fact that she finds more joy in this than the melancoly I am feeling is a paradox. We are both closing doors on old lives and unsure of our new ones. I can only assume that Joseph Smith's advice that if we knew the beauty and joy of the next life we would be motivated to leave this one.

Susan knows where she is going next.

I don't.

But then, only God really knows when.

I walked into a closed screen door yesterday and almost grated myself into the next life. So who knows!

So Susan is spending far more time and effort resigning from her many committies than the committie members are using in performing their duties. All the time saying she needs a nap.....meanwhile I am the one nodding off listening to her phone calls.

She told me that she loves cooking, cleaning, ironing, gardening and taking care of Merril. So while here, I have only stepped in to help if she seems to need it. Her life has been so full. I watch her movements with envy.

My week with her is half over. Mom asks each day if we are hugging each other. We haven't ever been huggers so we haven't started now. To me it would signify a change in our relationship and I refuse to mess up something that has been so good.

"It ain't broke ... so why fix it!"

I found pictures of Susan and me when we were ages two and three...we look like two deer in the hearlights. And I guess we were...and still are. But we still don't blink because neither of us have ever wanted to miss anything. And we won't!

Okay, so here it is.

We are all dying.

But looking forward to not missing death is the foundation of our mutually insatiable curiosity. I hope we live another fifty years. But knowing that we really will live forever( even if we are not here) is so exciting! Reminds me of the warning we recieved when boarding the rollercoaster at Lagoon "HAVE FUN and GOOD LUCK!" Then we screammed our lungs out, sometimes lost our lunch and held on for dear life! But when we got back we pleaded to go again! Just like now...taking a roller coaster ride through Roswell.

I love you Susan,

Your Brother,

James

PS. We think these pictures are 1952. Susan is 20 months younger than me.